I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
