the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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