Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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