What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
