So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
