i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She's the barista slut.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
