Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
