I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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