You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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