I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
