dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
