her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
