i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to get me chipped asap
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
