Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
