I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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