he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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