any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
