Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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