i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
