i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
