what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
