So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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