thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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