The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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