Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
