she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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