Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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