She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
