He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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