May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
