both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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