he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
