You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
