I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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