Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
