I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
