I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
