How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
