Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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