Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
