please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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