some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
