I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
