Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
