I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
