And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
