drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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