I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
