im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
