Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
