dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
