I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
