There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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